2 posts in one day – that’s a rarity.

Here’s another rarity- Mom’s night out.  The title explains itself, but I’ll explain.  Mom by herself going out with other moms, by themselves.  No kids.  Bliss.  Heaven.  LOL

As much as you love your kids, you need to get away once in a while. It’s been since mid-October for me.  Usually it involves scrapbooking.  But not tonight.  Tonight was having a dinner that I didn’t have to cut into small pieces or share with anyone and some alcoholic beverages at a posh chic place in “downtown” Morris.  It was nice.  The atmosphere was relaxing and yet exciting.  Tense with discussion, but not discipline.  LOL.  There was no yelling – well, not child yelling.  There was no crying.  Well, I take that back.  Someone was explaining how their children had touched their life – so it was good crying.  And there was no changing diapers.  And that one, I mean – no changing diapers.  LOL

It’s always nice to get out and converse with other adults.  Although, we have a tendency to still talk about our children.  After all, they ARE our lives.  We live for them.  We stay home for them.  We work for them.  They are a part of us that we want to succeed MORE than we did.  There is no better thing in my life than my children – sorry, Dan – but that includes you, my husband.  Yes, there are days in which I want them to just behave or act nicer, or just stop screaming – but those moments are few and far between.  The ones that really matter are the days in which you were able to step back and store in your memory a beautiful moment.  A giggle, a look.  A phrase, an action.  Something that makes your heart smile.  Those are the moments that make all those bad moments just melt away.  Those are also those moments in which I love to remember and recite to my friends to make them smile. 

 

So I suppose I should change my header…

It’s been a while.  You’d think with the theme that it was this fall.  It’s actually from this last spring. LOL  Almost a year.  The kids do look the same, basically.  But I guess I’ll work on changing my header.

So, I’ve weaned off Lexapro and having a hell of a time.  Today, my ears are ringing and I feel very irritable and out-of-control.  Any sound makes me jump nervously.  I’ve read that this can happen for 4-6 weeks after your last dose.  I had cut my doses in half and half and half until last Tuesday.  I haven’t taken a pill since.  I think I’m experiencing “brain zaps” that other people describe.  I describe it as a migraine without the pain.  Weird, huh?

But I’m hanging in there.  I can’t feel like a zombie anymore.  I think I felt better off the meds than on them.  Even when I’m going through the withdrawal symptoms, I seem to feel better.  So, we’ll see.  I hope these brain zaps subside before Christmas.  Nothing like coming off anti-depressants through the busiest season of my year.  LOL

 

Catching up…

Ok – so I’m not the best at keeping my blog updating.  Mostly because life is trivial and speaking about life every day is boring. LOL

Our built-in microwave died.  I have a couple of issues with this.  #1 – our house is only 3 years old.  And thusly the microwave is only 3 years old.  Pathetic life time.  There should be some kind of law stating that appliances and such need to last longer than that.  If there was an option to purchase an appliance with a longer life time, I would.  Even by purchasing the extended warranty, you are not guaranteed a longer-lasting product – you just pay money get hassled by the company that wants to do everything in order to NOT replace your product.  The other issue I have is the landfill factor.  I am always trying to recycle and avoid throwing things in the garbage and early-failing appliances seem to be more of the norm than the exception.

Other catching up – the lexapro is on it’s way out.  I forgot if I mentioned I was also put on Wellbutrin.  If was basically supposed to be peppier and make me want to move and then I would sleep better at night.  Yeah, that didn’t work.  It basically put me to sleep more.  It made me very druggy and draggy.

So, then I decided that I am not liking the side effects of the Lexapro and I would rather deal with my slight depression.  So, I’m about 1 week away from being Lexapro free. I’ve been luck in that I have been able to half my doses and not suffer withdrawal.  I wanted to be able to doge that bullet – as nausea, vomiting, headaches and brain zaps didn’t sound very pleasant. LOL

Zach is speaking more.  AJ is acting more like a 4-year-old than a 3-month old.  And Dan is working.  LOL  I’m fine.  I’m getting this feeling that the winter is going to be a long, cold winter.  Batten down the hatches.  The kids are going to need an outlet.  Thank heavens we have a DuPage Children’s Museum.

Wish me luck.

 

Gotta love the good days…

The good days, when they come, are always fabulous and fly by way too quickly.  Zach and AJ are actually playing nicely with each other more often than they fight.  So, the good days are now outweighing the bad.  Whew!

And the only thing thast sucks about really good days – like today is that a bad day is sure to follow.  BUT – I am going to think positively in the morning and try to make it a good day.

 

I’m getting really sick of impolite people!

And this is a polite way of saying that people are jerks. 

I’m really not understanding why people have lost their morals, manners or not even knowing etiquette.  People drive rudely because they don’t have respect for the other people on the road. People speak the way they do (using profanity in public, yelling at people, etc.) because AGAIN they have no respect for people around them.

“Back in the day” you grew up and in your teenage years, you went through a rude period.  You cared about no one else but yourself.  It was deserved.  I mean, you had 14 years of being doted on by your parents and it’s time to rebel.  Then you grew up. 

People have stopped growing up.  They think they deserve to be doted on by all people who work in restaurants, the government, their employers.  It’s the “me-NOW” time.  I hate it.  It seems that my mentality is in the minority now.  I am all for making the lives of the people around me more pleasant.  I tend to give compliments, ask about my friends, actually care if they are hurt, or so happy they’re bursting with pride.  I try to befriend other people who have the same mentality. 

So, I guess my point is – Buck up people.  Why don’t you actually smile when you walk out of the house today.  Why don’t you actually say hello to a neighbor.  Or better yet, to a stranger.  Why don’t you drive responsibly.  Think – Maybe there’s a 1-day newborn in that car I would cut-off normally.  And then pause and let the car pass.  And for crying out loud – just stop swearing and say please every once in a while.  Or how about a thank you. I think that we all need good things to happen in our lives.  We all deserve it in this time with so much stress.

 

To be a mommy to a 4-year-old…

Wow.  4 years have passed since the birth of my 4th child.  It is amazing to me that the time has flown by so quickly.  Yet again, it can’t go fast enough.  AJ is a very intelligent boy.  He is doing 100-piece puzzles and knows his ABCs.  We’re working on counting.  He can count to 14, skips to 19.  Then goes to 20, and skips to 24 to 30.  Like I said – work in progress.

We had a birthday party for him yesterday.  He was very involved in buying the decorations for his party and picking things out.  He’s never been interested in it before.  So, we had balloons, a train cake and a train pinata. Lo and behold, Mommy forgot the pinata – so that’s still in the den! GAH!

Family and friends helped us celebrate and were very generous.  Amazing how many toys are out there and not one duplicate!  He has a leapster with a couple games and a digital camera for kids.  He loves it all. He even loves the coloring books, games and puzzles.  He only dislikes the clothes.  But Mom likes those

So, my son’s birthday, while enjoyable for him, was very exhausting for me.  The cleaning, the cooking, the hosting, the cleaning, the cleaning and oh, the cleaning. LOL  Man, the cleaning.  Kids are messy and so are adults.  At least no one spilt anything on the new carpeting.  It held up pretty well.  And it was an absolutely unprecedented gorgeous day in mid-October.  It got to 85 degrees!  So, the grilling was appropriate and being outside and relaxing was enjoyable.  And getting together with my neighbors is always entertaining and enjoyable.  At least this time, I didn’t puke.

 

More on fostering independence…

So, I like to promote independence my children.  This requires heart-breaking moments at times.  Let me explain.  Zach is going through a bit of separation anxiety.  He thinks that everyone who is not Mommy is evil.  He’s 18 months.  And I think he’s teething once again.  He even doesn’t want to go near Daddy unless Mommy is 5 feet away from him.  And if anyone approaches, he clings to me like…well, like a cling-on.  LOL

The heart-breaking part is that I must leave him every once in a while.  I have to go to work on Wednesdays and I have to go work out.  Well, I don’t have to if I want my ginormous butt to continue to grow.  When I dropped him off last week by himself when AJ was at pre-school, he cried the whole time.  I was told that he got worse after each parent picked up their child and someone else left.  WHOOPS.  Then I thought that maybe if AJ was by his side, it would be different.  And less traumatic for him.  Nope.  Cried the whole time again.  So, my heart-breaking dilemma is – do I continue and have him get used to it (and how long will that take?) or do we work around it and I I make Daddy suffer the crying, rather than some paid help who doesn’t really give a crap and thinks my son is a nuisance?

For right now, I’m going to continue going where Zach and AJ will go together.  This time I’m going to try to bring his giraffe.  It’s his “lovely”, so to speak.  Hopefully, that will help.  We’ll see.

 

WOW – What a lazy butt I’ve been.

Ok, so it’s been a whole month since I posted anything in my blog.  Do I have a reason?  No, they’re just excuses.  Because – really, how long does an entry in a blog take?  Not very long at all.

Ok – so – an update on my life.  Still on Lexapro.  Finding new friends (well, old friends, newly re-discovered) on Facebook, AJ has started Pre-school, Zach is being a “mommy’s boy” these days and my husband is just in a bad mood all the time.  My husband is really tuned into the market and the fact that we’ve lost a great deal of money in the last two months is getting to him.

AJ’s 4th birthday is quickly approaching.  I’m happy for him, but yet undecided on how I truly feel about it.  I want him to be my baby forever.  BUT it drives me insane when he acts like a baby.  I mean, he’s 4 years old – grow up!  LOL  I like to foster independence as much as I can.  I encourage dressing himself, putting on his own shoes, wiping his own butt (LOL), playing by himself, and lastly behaving himself.  Yes, that’s fostering independence.  In my opinion if he behaves himself, the less I need to watch over him and the more he deserves my trust and the more confident he feels.  It works most of the time.  Except when Zach is acting up.  You see, AJ can not seem to just let Zach be.  It’s always picking.  Always poking.  Always prodding.  GAH!!

And Zach is a huge imitator right now.  I never understood when my mother said for me to behave because my sisters are watching me.  What she should have said is that my sisters would imitate everything I do.  THAT I understand.  If AJ screams, Zach does.  If AJ puts his shoes on, Zach tries.  It’s great.  It’s the “old dog” teaching the “new dog” behavior.  However, Zach doesn’t realize he’s 2 1/2 years younger and has some physical/mental limitations.  But he’s probably about 6 months ahead of AJ at his age.  So, he’s a smartie.

And me – I’m making a dent in my scrapbook pages.  Scrapping and scanning.  I’ve got 40 scanned so far.  And uploaded into Flickr and on See my Scrap (link on right).  It feels good to make progress.  Some of the progress was made when Hurricane Ike dumped tons of water on our area for 4 days straight!  The rivers were flooding and lots of people have lots of damage.  Since it was raining, I was stuck inside with kids who wanted to go outside.  So, we went downstairs a lot to scream and run around.  Well, they did.  I scanned and scrapped!  It was nice, actually.  I suspect November and December will bring much the same.

Alright – on to planning AJ’s birthday party, scanning more pages, scrapping more pages, and being a mom.  Ta ta for now.

 

Man – what am I?

I’m having real issues with what my husband thinks I am.  He says he knows it’s tough work to take care of two kids at home while trying to work.  But I don’t really think he really knows.  I swear, he thinks all I do is play or sit and watch TV all day.

The DSL modem died about two weeks ago and we had to have a guy come and troubleshoot and replace our modem.  Well, the kids were with me.  He wanted to know how to set up his laptop to get the wireless connection and I told him what I knew and he asked why we paid $179 for a tech to come out and I didn’t know how to connect to the wireless connection.  I mean – come on.  AJ and Zach were beyond their nap times at this point and were yelling and screaming at each other.  Am I really supposed to know all these details?? 

All I freaking do all day every day is clean after him and my sons – doing laundry, dishes, laundry, cleaning messes, laundry, cleaning toys and oh yeah, did I mention laundry??  And then there’s the feeding of everyone.  Yeah, sometimes I don’t make dinner – well, most times.  But I’m getting that done more and more often.  But there is breakfast and lunch and all the snacks the boys need during the day.  And the multiple drink refills.  And the queueing of movies and the going outside to the park, to the backyard.  I hardly get to get my at-home work done, let alone have some me time.  If I do have some me-time, it’s typically me telling AJ to go watch a movie while Zach is napping so I can catch my sanity back.  And then I clean the kitchen and do the laundry before I sit to relax and then Zach wakes up about two minutes later. 

Perfect example was an experience we had while camping this weekend.  I appreciated that my husband took Zach at 6:00am out of the trailer since I was up all night with him and he had been up since 4:30am.  So, finally, Zach and he went in to take a nap.  That was fine.  AJ and I hung out.  I loved it – we rarely get to spend alone time together anymore.  I go to put AJ into a nap and I go out with my book and my iPod and literally sat in the chair and heard Zach on the monitor.  Are you kidding me???? 

Anyway – I guess I’m just feeling unappreciated once again.  I NEVER get thank-yous.  It really sucks.  And then when I complain about it, I get a thank-you right then and there and never again until I complain again.  And then I’m feeling something – not sure – I have to take medication everyday of my life to feel “normal” and I really don’t.  I know medication is not the end-all, be-all answer.  I just thought it would help more.  I also feel like if I didn’t have kids, I probably wouldn’t be on medication – they are the ones testing my patience and making me irritable.  I can handle not sleeping.  I’ve done it for years.

Ok – enough of the negative.  And I’m sorry – I have nothing really positive to add in there right now.  I’ve just had a rough couple of weeks and feel like no one (my husband) appreciates how much effort goes into all the mini-vacation planning and packing and then keeping the house clean and stocked.  And I never get time off.  I need a break.

 

Ya ya – I haven’t posted in a while…

Hmm.  I thought Lexapro was going to take care of my fatigue or my desire to “not want” to do anything. LOL  I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and it shows.  My house is (was) a mess.  I’ve fallen behind on posting pictures to my Project 365 and I just don’t really feel like doing anything.  So, yesterday, I spent the day cleaning the house.  My in-laws are coming in for the weekend.  They always say to not clean up for them.  But come on – do I really want to show them how bad it can get??  It’s quite embarrassing.  I do have to say that enjoy a clean house.  It makes me feel better in all aspects of my life.  What happens is that one day will be hectic, and I start just putting things down, instead of away and then it just gets out of control from there.  I mean, even my kids pick up on it and the toys come flying out of the toy box and don’t go back in for days.  It’s quite annoying. 

Before kids, my husband and I used to have the symbiotic relationship with cleaning and laundering.  I got the lazy bug and he’d be the clean-freak for a week or two and then he’d get lazy and I’d clean.  But now – my husband isn’t part of that relationship anymore. LOL  And we have two more people making messes that don’t participate in cleaning whatsoever!! LOL

So, I feel overwhelmed.  Because, if I don’t take care of it, who will??  I am looking forward to a nice weekend with the in-laws.  I enjoy when they visit.  It’s relaxing.  And typically when they come in we get to go out with the kids and do something fun!  We are going to see Cirque du Soleil – Kooza.  My Aunt Mary is watching the kids while we go with my parents and Dan’s parents.  It should be nice.  I enjoy Cirque a lot.  I will pay money to watch any one of their shows!